My baby turned 8 years old a few days ago and just yesterday I was thinking about how I should probably have a conversation with her about periods because it seemed like she was at the right age. ‘She was old enough to…’ I thought to myself when suddenly, for no rhyme or reason, an image of 8-year-old Anjali flashed in my mind, tears streaking her cheeks as she read the letter her mother wrote to her from the beyond.
The more I thought about it the more it filled me with rage because let me tell you; in the event that I were to not exist anymore, while I wouldn’t want Sandeep to be alone forever, there’s no way a ‘former best friend/love-interest’ is ever coming back in his life or anywhere near my children. That’s the quickest way to get your children an evil stepmom – one who wanted their dad but couldn’t get him. Now that she has to live with and look at mini versions of the woman he actually loved (instead of her) and had children with (who look and act like her) her mamta is going to be pretty limited and tainted (if I may add).
Uh uh. No way.
NOT EVEN over my dead body.
I may be gone but my Mamma Bear aura will be protecting my children from the beyond for as long as they need me to, even if it means I have to haunt the crap out of a grown-ass woman, and/or Sandeep, who should have known better.
But as much as I would want my husband to have a fulfilling life with a partner he loves and who loves him back (and our children too; that’s not negotiable), I WOULDN”T MAKE THAT MY 8-YEAR-OLD’s RESPONSIBILITY!
What the actual fuck, Tina???
And it’s not just Tina, is it? Every single adult who could have intervened at ANY DAMN POINT in the whole movie but didn’t, failed Anjali (the little one. Let’s call her Anjali 2, okay?)
Read on to find out how because I, as the mom of a freshly minted 8-year-old, have some thoughts on Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.
While I would love to dissect the whole movie (and after reading this, let me know if you’d like me to) that’s not the point of this post. As a parent now, my whole perspective has changed when it comes to any kind of media – movies, TV shows, Ads. So this post is purely going to focus on how the adults behaved with and around a young, impressionable child, and what kind of impact it may have.
For starters, they could have named her ANYTHING other than Anjali. Being named after your dad’s former best friend/almost-girlfriend is second only to being put in charge of finding said former best friend and hooking her up with your dad at EIGHT YEARS OLD!
If I were on my deathbed, I probably wouldn’t be able to think straight. THAT plus postpartum hormones alone should have been enough for even the internet’s armchair psychologists to declare Tina of unsound mind, but no, let’s all trust a dying person’s judgement.
To be fair, I think everyone’s judgement at that point would have been questionable because they were all grieving. But once that cloud slightly lifted and they were able to think straight, no one did a thing.
If I were the dad, I would have nodded along but put a different name in the paperwork because aakri khwaahish or not, I wasn’t going to name my child after an ex (friend or otherwise). How was Tina going to know anyway?
Hell, I’d have even changed the name a few months down the line! Are you telling me he didn’t think of Anjali 1 every time he said his daughter’s name?
Let’s go over the characters one by one, shall we?
First of all, how does a person who is about to die shortly from complications in childbirth sustain enough energy and focus to write 8 LONG letters? Adrenaline? Surge of dopamine? I have no clue. A medical professional would be a much better person to decode this mystery in addition to how a person on her deathbed HOURS after childbirth looks like she just walked out of a salon. #OnlyinBollywood I guess.
Edit: I have come to realise (after posting this on Instagram and TikTok, that Tina in fact knew for quite some time that she wasn’t going to survive childbirth. So she had some time to write the letters. Well, this additional information makes it even more ridiculous because then, she herself could have gone on a quest to find Anjali and reunite her with Rahul instead of making them BOTH wait EIGHT YEARS and put the entire responsibility on a CHILD! In fact, I’m pretty sure that would have been a very interesting movie too – A pregnant wife risks her life to ensure her husband’s happiness even after she’s gone – giving TINA enough screen time in the ENTIRE movie. Anyway…
Now I know she was trying to do a nice thing but of ALL the things she could have talked to her daughter about in that 8th letter – self-confidence, chasing your dreams, working hard, being a good person, hell even if she’d talked to her about puberty and sex-ed (actually that would have been waaay better and more age-appropriate than this) – this was possibly the worst.
Putting the entire onus of resurrecting a grown adult’s love life into the hands of YOUR OWN 8-year-old child is beyond irresponsible!
For one, there was no way she could have known for sure that BOTH Rahul and Anjali 1 would remain single until then. Pretty bold of her to assume that Anjali 1 would wait around for her sloppy seconds almost a decade later. She was right (almost), but a pretty bold assumption nonetheless.
Never once did she think about what would happen to Anjali 2’s self-confidence if she were to fail in that task. Tina didn’t even give her a road map, like, ‘Hey Anjali beta, here’s Anjali 1’s phone number. Give her a call.’
Or better yet,
ADDRESS THE DAMN LETTER TO RAHUL HIMSELF!!
“Listen, dude, it’s been 8 years. Are you getting any? Please don’t worry about me, I want you to be happy. Just call her. Hopefully, you’ve already done that because you’re not a MORON!”
But no.
MY DAUGHTER MUST BE THE ONE TO GET HER DADDY A NEW GIRLFRIEND.
Not just that. She goes on to say, “Yehi mera sapna hai.” Yet another Indian parent expecting their child to fulfil their dreams EVEN AFTER THEIR DEATH!
If she knew this and cared about it so much, why didn’t she get out of the way? What would have happened had she still been alive? What about Rahul and Anjali being ‘made for each other’ then, huh?
But you know what? Tina CAN be forgiven because you know, Deathbed + Pregnancy/Post-Partum Hormones have to be pretty much one of the worst possible things to happen to someone.
So let’s move on to someone who had the ability, and the opportunity to think straight.
Yes, grieving husband, new dad with no clue how to handle a newborn, let alone raise a girl child (or any child; it was the 90s, after all. Thank goodness his mommy was around to save the day. And the child). Dude forgets to wear pants occasionally, so I guess it’s unfair on our part to assume he’d have the emotional maturity to think of the long-term consequences of naming his daughter Anjali.
Point to note, though, is that even after saying, ‘Anjali,’ at least 3 times per day for the next eight years, he never once thought of calling Anjali 1, even if it was just to ‘catch up.’
That tells us something, doesn’t it?
Come to think of it, Anjali 1 had no clue Tina died even 8 years after the fact. I guess their mutual friends also gave up on them and didn’t care enough to update Anjali 1 even if to say, “Arre, jaa! Ab toh tera chance hai, pakka!”
Rahul’s mummy also had no idea of the existence of someone called Anjali Sharma because she seemed completely surprised when Anjali 2 asked Rahul, “Yeh Anjali Sharma kaun hai?” after he slipped up (yeah, right), so how much of a best friend was she, really?
But all that aside, coming back to the letters, I’m pretty sure Anjali 2 wasn’t reading the letters herself until the age of 5 at least. As much as he was involved in her school where he finished Anjali’s extempore speech FOR her, was Rahul involved in reading any of those TO her, or did that fall on his mummy? And even then, did ANY of the adults think it necessary to pre-read the letters?
I guess one could applaud them for respecting the child’s right to private communication with her mother, but if there was a time to have a nosy grandparent who wanted to know everything, then this would have been it!
Ultimately I guess Rahul failed Anjali 2 by not even bothering to mediate the communication between his late wife and young daughter. But one can’t blame him for Anjali 2’s mission to go find Anjali 1 because he had no idea about it. But there was someone who did who also shoulders some of the blame…
I guess being called ‘sexy’ by her 8-year-old granddaughter wasn’t cool enough for her (maybe she should have borrowed Rahul’s jewellery), and the next best thing was being the granddaughter’s BFF. So instead of being the voice of reason and telling Anjali 2 that while it was very thoughtful of her mom to still be worried about her dad, it was something grownups should decide for themselves. And while her opinion as Rahul’s daughter shall be taken into consideration, whether to marry someone else or to remain single was not something someone else could decide for him.
No. Instead, she helped 8-year-old Anjali sneak out to SHIMLA from Mumbai for a summer camp that (presumably) Dadi paid for herself (unless they gate-crashed). One could argue that Anjali 2 would have probably tried to run away and Dadi agreeing and going with her meant that at least she had a familiar adult with her.
But… here’s where Dadi dropped the ball. She could have pretended to tell Anjali that the tickets were all booked and that they could go the following week and in the meantime FILLED RAHUL IN about the real reason they were going and given him a chance to think about it before they AMBUSHED both, Rahul and Anjali 1.
But, but, before they set off on this adventure, they came into contact with 2 other individuals who could have knocked some sense into them, the first of which was…
…who just… opened his records books – ALL OF THEM – to look for Anjali 1’s address just because his grandchild asked. Touching, and props for being such a nice grandpa, but isn’t that some data and privacy violation? Nobody cared as much back then, I think. Even Europe came up with GDPR almost 20 years after Kuch Kuch Hota Hai so I guess this can be forgiven?
Thankfully, he didn’t have her new address but Dadi didn’t make it easier by questioning his status as the college’s Principal.
I don’t think he would be half as offended if Dadi were to question his mardaangi instead, but I digress.
Point to note here is that no adult has still mentioned how WRONG all of this is and why an 8-year-old should not be taking this on because it’s absolutely unhealthy.
And then he makes it worse by pointing them to someone who could help them.
This character actually failed BOTH Anjalis.
She stood her ground at first, reminding them (and probably herself) that she had promised Anjali that she would NOT give anyone her new address, but broke pretty quickly when Anjali 2 said, “Main bhi toh Anjali hoon, na?” Yes, because that’s how promises work.
What Rifat Bi should have said is, “Promises are sacred, and even though you share her name, that doesn’t give you the right to overrule her wishes.”
That would’ve taught Anjali 2 something about the importance of respecting others’ boundaries and the weight of promises. Another teachable moment was lost, but that’s not even the worst part.
Not only did Rifat Bi break her promise to Anjali 1, she did it knowing that:
- Anjali was already engaged and about to be married very soon, and
- Rahul broke Anjali’s heart once already (not his fault completely) when he got together with Tina because of which Anjali left without giving her FINAL EXAMS and ruined her career.
Then the dude forgot about her for at least 9 years and now his daughter wants her help in ruining a potential marriage? I mean, how hard would it have been to say, “She’s already married?” or “I don’t have her contact details?” Why is everyone so above LYING here but not above breaking up an engagement? Double standards, no?
When Anjali 2 says, “Yeh shaadi nahi ho sakti! Mummy ne kaha hai,” not a single adult goes on to tell her that maybe mummy made a mistake. Did anyone ever even consider grief counselling for the child? She has never met her mother but has absolute blind faith in what she wrote in a letter.
The WORST part, however, has to be Rifat Bi’s SHEER AUDACITY to say, “Bacche ki dua qubool ho gayi,” upon getting the news that Anjali’s wedding has been delayed for some time! Whose bloody side are you on, huh? The Anjali who considers you family or the one you just met?
I guess parenting someone else’s child is not her responsibility but she let the Khannas meddle in her relationship. She should’ve known something was off the second she found out who Anjali’s parents were and why they named their child Anjali. That’s weird enough. After learning the entire backstory and how an 8-year-old was tasked with matchmaking her father, it should’ve been a major red flag.
Instead of saying, “Baal baal bach gayi,” she indulged them.
Maybe not such a bad thing to have some harmless fun but it did give the kid the idea that her mother’s wish was about to come true. And then set her up for disappointment especially since Anjali 2 was not mature enough to understand the complex emotions at play.
Just LIE TO THE KID. Tell her you’ll think about it and then take AS MUCH TIME AS YOU WANT. Or better yet, tell the kid ‘NO.’
It’s not such a bad thing for kids to hear ‘no’ from adults especially when they mean it, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE SETTING A BOUNDARY!
“I will NOT discuss this. I am here just for the summer camp.”
Instead she not only let Rahul and his Mummy STAY at the summer camp, but indulged them. NOT COOL.
Simply for not putting his foot down and telling them they were all there to do a job, not play Ghar -Ghar, and that all the kids there were away from their parents, it was totally unfair for one child to have her WHOLE HOUSEHOLD with her at summer camp.
Other than that, he pretty much minded his business while tut-tutting at the others ruining his summer camp.
Again, Anjali 2’s well-being was not his concern at all, but I’m sure he did have an impact on her. He failed Anjali 2 by letting Rahul AND ANJALI 1 off the hook for ruining his wedding in front of his ENTIRE FAMILY & FRIENDS. His feelings and future are entirely overlooked, much like Anjali 2’s mental and emotional well-being. Aman’s acceptance of this situation subtly endorses the idea that it’s okay to ruin someone’s special day if it makes you happy. And then face no consequences. In fact, they were rewarded for it, celebrated, even. What a problematic message for Anjali 2 to internalise.
I think she knew something was off, because she asked Anjali 1 if she was happy, and if she loved Aman, which is more insight than any other parent has shown in the film. Of all the parents here she seemed to be the most aware of her child’s feelings and concerned for her well-being. Ma’am, you asked the right questions, but these were questions you should have asked BEFORE you finalised the engagement date, not after the rings had been exchanged.
Even though she had an inkling, she let the engagement go on, and even lied to Aman avoided the question when he asked her if she thought her daughter loved him. Probably best to not speak for someone else, which, if most people had done in this story, this mess wouldn’t exist.
She had nothing to do with the chain of events and Anjali 2, but kinda failed Anjali 1 by setting her up with someone she didn’t love especially since she was the kind of parent who thought love mattered, but it still didn’t matter.
In conclusion
I know all of this was meant to move the story along but my god does it show every single adult character as simply oblivious to how their decisions and actions impact the child(ren) around them especially since this one directly involved a child. NOT once did ANYONE ask the child what she wanted. In fact she herself didn’t know what she wanted and just assumed what her mother wrote was right.
One little child with too much responsibility and emotional weight, but without ANY of the adults choosing to guide her or set boundaries resulting in a skewed portrayal of relationships and conflict resolution, where emotional manipulation is normalised and boundaries don’t exist. And as always, it’s children’s responsibility to ENSURE their parents’ happiness whereas every single adult can get by without giving a single flying fuck about the child(ren).
I would really love to see what grown up Anjali 2 is like and what her attitude is towards friendships and relationships. Hopefully, she has gone to therapy since then and has a healthy outlook and approach toward ALL her relationships, romantic or not! And has learnt to set boundaries with her parents and the other adults in her life. I hope she has the courage to say, “I will choose my own life partner” when one of her parents or her grandparents inevitably remind her of how it’s their turn now since they ‘let her’ pick her new mommy when it wasn’t even her own idea.
But I don’t think KJo is making a sequel anytime soon!
Being Mamma Bear 