Being Mamma Bear

My mental health struggles during the pandemic followed by my ADHD diagnosis gave me a gift I didn’t expect: compassion for other adults.

The mommy community on Insta is doing a phenomenal job at teaching adults how to be kind to children because previous generations often fell short in this regard. But here’s something not many people are talking about: kindness towards other adults, especially those who seem different.

Terms like quirky and eccentric are some of the kinder ways to describe such people. More commonly, we hear words like weird, moody, loud, self-centered, unpredictable, and flaky.

But here’s what many people don’t realize: neurodivergent (ND) kids grow up to be neurodivergent adults.

If we weren’t diagnosed as children, chances are many of us don’t even know we are neurodivergent. Undiagnosed ND kids who slipped under the radar face a tougher time adjusting to adult life with fewer accommodations because even they don’t know they need them.

You know what’s even more likely? That we feel less-than or think something is wrong with us because that’s the kind of feedback we’ve received our whole lives: lazy, flaky, indecisive, messy, loud, oversharer, too much. These labels overshadow other aspects of our being like artistic, creative, smart, kind, funny, loving, empathetic, and compassionate.

So many of us have been shunned or cut off because we don’t understand societal expectations or are simply unable to live up to them because of how we’re wired. Or simply because we can’t tone it down or don’t know how to.

So now, whenever I encounter another adult who doesn’t conform to societal expectations* — takes days to respond to messages, is blunt, declines invitations to meet up/talk, or says ‘no’ to something unusual for them, overshares, talks more about themselves — I try to put myself in their shoes. I think about why someone might behave this way and often come to the conclusion that maybe they’re under pressure or going through something. Or perhaps, like me, they are ND and don’t even know it.

Friendship can be especially challenging in this context. We sometimes judge our friends and other adults harshly, forgetting that everyone has their struggles.

Now, as we enter ADHD Awareness Month, this idea of compassion and understanding feels even more relevant. The month is about raising awareness, but it’s also about fostering a deeper understanding of what it means to live as a neurodivergent adult in a world that’s not always built for us.

Let’s not just extend this understanding to children who need it, but to adults who’ve been walking through life, perhaps undiagnosed, dealing with the same challenges but with fewer resources. Everyone’s path is different, but what unites us is the need for patience and empathy.

So this month, let’s make it a point to practice kindness—not just for the little ones, but for the grown-ups too. We’re all figuring it out, one day at a time.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. How do you practice compassion towards others? How can we be better friends to those who may be struggling silently?

Let’s remember that everyone is fighting a battle we might not see. Together, we can make a difference.

*Of course, this does not include cruel or verbally aggressive behaviour, or anything else that causes harm of any kind. I get that this is very nuanced, so the decision to respond with kindness and empathy or not will be very subjective.