Humour, Lists, Mamma's Quirks, Mommy Diaries, Motherhood

Excuses I can make, now that I have a baby

I was the last one among my friends to have a baby, so I saw firsthand how social behaviour changed once my friends became parents. There was a pattern, clearly. Of course, I knew people wouldn’t be as available as they were before, but when every single time there was an ‘emergency’ and it was always baby-related, I started to wonder if it were really true. I mean, your baby cannot fall sick EVERY TIME we make plans, right? Either it was the most horrible coincidence ever, or… people were using their babies as an excuse because they were probably too chicken to say “no” to something in the first place.

How convenient it must be to have a baby, I thought. One can get out of anything citing their baby as the reason.

And now that I have a baby, here are 51 excuses I can make. 😇

Most of these are genuine; I swear. And I hope to use some of them when the time comes.

  1. My baby’s too young, I can’t be out for so long.
  2. Oh, lunch at 1? It’s her nap time. Sorry I can’t make it.
  3. Hey! I know I was supposed to be there at 9 AM, but last night madam was awake until 5 AM. I just cannot drag myself out of bed. (happened sooooo many times.)
  4. I’m sorry she has decided this is when she wants me to hold her. I’ll have to call you back.
  5. Coffee at 6? She was supposed to nap around 1, but it’s 4 and she’s still awake. Not sure if I can make it.
  6. Oh, at your house? She’s in this phase where she’s throwing everything on the floor. I don’t want your stuff to break. Sorry, I’ll skip it this time.
  7. Oh, at a restaurant? Do they have a high chair?
  8. Not today, yaar. She’s teething and very, very clingy.
  9. Oh no! She pooped 3 times in 2 hours and I totally forgot I had to call you back.
  10. No I haven’t seen my email because I’m hiding the phone from my baby.
  11. Dinner? Her bedtime is 8:30 and she’ll be super cranky if we’re out that time. *stays happily awake till midnight.*
  12. Sorry my phone was on silent. Just saw that you had called. (5 hours later.)
  13. Hey just saw your message! What’s up. (3 days later.)
  14. I’m sorry I forgot. I’m so sleep deprived I have NO IDEA what I’m doing with my life. I think I’ll have cake.
  15. I’m sorry I’m a little hyperactive today. I’ve had 3 cups of coffee already.
  16. I’m sorry I’m in a mood, my hormones are just all over the place.
  17. I’m sorry I forgot to call/text back. #mombrains.
  18. I have no idea if I’ll be free that time. She’s going through sleep regression, again, and her schedule is all over the place.
  19. What were you saying? Laddoo was up to something cute again, and it was soo…..
  20. Can’t do weekends. That’s the only time the husband is home and I can take a little break.
  21. I can’t, I haven’t slept AT ALL last night.
  22. She only wants to nurse today.
  23. Hey, I was about to leave but she just fell asleep and I don’t want to disturb her.
  24. Can’t do weekdays. I’m all alone with the baby.
  25. She won’t let go of her father.
  26. Oh that was today?? I totally forgot! #mombrains.
  27. 3 hours in the car!
  28. I thought I called you! If it wasn’t you, then whom did I talk to about….?
  29. I can’t, I haven’t slept the whole of last week.
  30. Hey, I was about to leave and she just woke up and now needs a meal, an outfit change, and possibly 3 more naps.
  31. Blocked you? Must’ve been the baby. (never happened, I swear.)
  32. She just wants to cuddle today. Poor baby.
  33. She’s being a fussy eater today.
  34. I didn’t cook anything today because your daughter didn’t let me out of her sight.
  35. I can’t, I barely slept in the last month.
  36. Oh it’s just been a I-want-to-cry-for-no-reason kinda day. There are a 101 reasons why she could be crying, you know!
  37. Hey I was about to leave and she started screaming. I think I’m going to stay in today.
  38. I can’t, I’ve barely slept in the past year.
  39. I’m sorry I totally forgot your birthday/anniversary. I have no idea what day it is! (True story on most days!)
  40. Movie? With a baby? You have got to be kidding me!
  41. You sent me a whatsapp? I have 1,285,261 unread messages from 23,430 chats. If it’s urgent please call.
  42. She hasn’t eaten anything today!
  43. I didn’t make sense because I haven’t had my coffee yet.
  44. I would love to but she spit up on the one good outfit I had and the nothing else fits.
  45. I didn’t cook today because your daughter was determined to bring the house down and I was busy saving it!
  46. I can’t bring her there, she doesn’t like the smell or something.
  47. She won’t let go of me.
  48. Can’t let her loose in your house. She will pull/break
  49. Can’t take her to a place where everyone’s eating. She won’t let us eat.
  50. Oh that place? Too crowded for a baby!
  51. I didn’t cook today because she nursed for 2 hours straight!
  52. I’d love to but your *insert pet* scares her. Maybe when she’s older. (Like 18 or 20)

 

I am taking part in The Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge.

4 thoughts on “Excuses I can make, now that I have a baby”

  1. Fun post, and oh so true! And yes, most of the excuses are genuine. And the others? Be honest! You’re just too darn tired . .. and that is the baby’s fault too!

    Like

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