Now I’m not saying that this is how it will be for everyone, and if I weren’t doing anything else and if could let everything else go and just focus on the baby and myself, it probably wouldn’t have become so bad. But I had Instagram and LORM (which was WARM back then), and even though the competition that time was healthy and ethical, I couldn’t slip up. So I kept going.
And bit by bit, I ignored myself. The only saving grace here is that my baby and her health didn’t suffer. I never reached a point where Instagram became more important than my baby. Than myself? Yes! But not more important than my baby.
This realisation forced me to think and ask myself if I’d change anything if I got the chance to do it all over again? Knowing myself, probably not, because you see, as much as I am an advocate of at least one parent being fully committed to raising a baby till they’re off to school, I would have gone crazy if I didn’t do something for myself. And I chose my sanity over my health.
I could have done a little bit of both, but at this point that’s all wishful thinking. I wouldn’t have been able to focus properly on my health or on Instagram.
But now, things have changed. My baby is older and since she’s away from the house for a few hours every day, I DO have the time to take care of myself a little bit. I knew I couldn’t sit back and watch myself grow in all the wrong ways any more. Almost three years of not putting myself first, had given me the luxury of making my baby a priority and now that she didn’t need me as much, I can focus some of that time and attention to myself.
But I just wished I had started looking at myself a little earlier. I may not have had the time or focus or commitment to make a change, but I would have had the chance to make some changes in my life and habits and maybe I wouldn’t have let it get so bad.
Let me tell you though, as much as I didn’t like the way my body looked, I NEVER STOPPED LOVING MYSELF. And even today, if a situation arises where I need to focus more on the baby than myself, I would do it even if it meant ignoring myself for a little bit, just a little bit.
So my question to you is: do you LOOK at yourself in the mirror? Or just glance at various parts individually when you’re getting dressed?
If you do, what have you observed? Do you like what you see? Does it motivate you to do something about it?
Or if, like me, you haven’t looked at yourself in the mirror in a long time, do that today. Stand there for a good 5 minutes at least and examine every inch of your body. Are you happy with it? If you are, pat yourself of the back. You did a good job. Much better than I did with myself.
If you’re not, then this is the time to make a change. I realised this a while ago that just because I didn’t like some thing(s) about myself did not mean that I didn’t like myself AS A WHOLE. It just meant that I recognised that there was room for improvement, and that I wanted to make a change – in my health, in my skin, and in my body. The changes you want to make or the reasons behind them may not be the same as mine. But if doing this exercise helps you even a little bit, like it helped me, then my ramblings have had at least one positive effect.
So today, let’s be a little vain. Let’s all look at ourselves in the mirror and see if we are the person we thought we’d be. As a mom, vanity may save you from getting to the point where you feel lost. I’m on my way to finding my old self again. How about you?
Do you agree?
LOOK at yourself in the mirror today. What do you see? How do you feel? Make a note of that for yourself. For us, take a mirror selfie and share it on your stories with:
A) I’m happy to be me.
B) I’m ready to make a change.
Do tag me @beingmammabear in your Instagram stories so that I can see it and cheer you on either way 🙂